beginning…. in Russia

My first attempt at memoir. What questions do you have ? 

Epigraphs:

” Many have undertaken to draw up an account of the things that have been fulfilled[a] among us, 2 just as they were handed down to us by those who from the first were eyewitnesses and servants of the word. 3With this in mind, since I myself have carefully investigated everything from the beginning, I too decided to write an orderly account for you, most excellent Theophilus, 4 so that you may know the certainty of the things you have been taught.”  Luke 1:1-14

Sometimes the best map will not guide you
You can’t see what’s round the bend
Sometimes the road leads through dark places
Sometimes the darkness is your friend                    ” Pacing The Cage ”  Bruce Cockburn

My dad, David Redekop, was born on November 21, 1916. We shared a birthday, with my dad being 42 years older than I. I know very little about the life of David Redekopry. He was born in the Russian Empire as it was beginning to disintegrate, eventually becoming the first communist state. He was born in the middle of the first World War, and so life must not have been easy. My dad had three older sisters and one older brother when he was born. One more brother was born after him. 


He shared a few memories of those days, but not much. He said once that his village was burned, and his mom was raped .  He also mentioned that the MCC tractors came to their farm, and he and his dad used it to prepare the land for planting. There had been years with no harvest . It must have been in 1922 or 1923. His father was a farmer, teacher and minister.
 His dad, David Redekop, was a teacher, minister and farmer. My grandfather attended what became known as the Synod of the Martyrs in 1925. It was a meeting of the ministers to find responses to the new communist government concerning their faith. After that meeting was over, half of the ministers were arrested or killed. David, my grandpa or Opa, received notice that he should leave the Empire, and he received papers to leave, and he took his family to Canada. During those years in Russia, my dad’s mom died, and my grandfather remarried a woman who also had five children. Not all of her children came to Canada, and one was held over in Europe because of illness. One of my dad’s sisters, Neta, stayed in Russia. She was already married with a family, and thought things would not get worse.


So David, my Opa, and his wife arrived in Davidson Saskatchewan in July 1926. They lived on a farm that was owned by a local doctor. In October 1926, three months after this large family arrived to a new and safe life, my Opa was killed in a farm accident. My step-grandmother was pregnant with her soon to be born daughter, Malvin.   My dad never shared anything about the trip to Canada, nor this tragic event. His uncle Henry arrived from Russia around the time for the funeral, and made sure my dad and his siblings had places to live in nearby Drake . My dad lived with the Bartels and the Hoeppners as he was growing up. He went to Rosthern School in Saskatchewan, and after graduation led a life of wandering, serving as a CO in Banff, on a cattle boat to Europe for MCC, and living with his sisters in Manitoba, until he settled down in the Niagara Peninsula. 

So how did this trauma affect my dad ? He seldom talked about these things, but it was all in there, milling around his heart, soul and mind. I think he suffered from low level depression most of his life. He was happy to wake up every morning and do a day’s work. I think it was too hard to think about the future. He never knew when his life would be torn apart again.  He lived from day to day, not planning for the future. At his 80th birthday gathering  he said. ” I didn’t think I would ever make it this far. “. And so what passed down to his children including me ? Where does the trauma of my dad sit in my life ?
Peace to all as we relive our own stories.

Fred Redekop

A Living Miracle

November 26, 2025

Good afternoon,

Eighteen years ago today, I had my heart attack. I have two large scars because of the heart bypass surgery, and so it is hard to forget the events of those two weeks in November/December 2007. I had surgery a week after the attack, and I returned home a week after that. All my children and Shirley waited six hours in the St. Mary’s Hospital. waiting room for the doctor to give them the news of the surgery.  
Shirley did CPR, and the firefighters did CPR and defibrillated me twice. The paramedics gave me a clot buster, and drove me to the hospital. The nurses and doctors prepared me for surgery, and the surgeon did the bypass stuff, and I was sent home with an armful of drugs. exercises and a new diet. None of them acknowledged saving my life, but they were well-trained in their fields, and they were extraordinary. The rest they left to fate, karma or God ? 


I do not think everyday of being thankful, for being saved, and having these extra years of life here on earth, but I am. The odds, and I am not a betting person, were against me. Thousands have died since then with better odds. I was blue, and my heart was racing beyond belief, and the first responders did what they are trained to do, and it worked. You can tell I still think about why I am here with my re-telling the story. The story is still being written.


If you knew me at the time of the infarction, where were you and what did you think ? Blessings to you for all your prayers then and now .


Please pray for peace to really come to Gaza. AMEN

Fred

black and white shadows

crush humanity’s freedom

am I complicit ? MPL 2025

Narcissism and Memoir Writing

October 22, 2025

Good afternoon,

I continue to participate in my on-line course on memoir writing. It is hard work just thinking about it. There are many ethical dilemmas to think about. What do I include or not, and am I being honest in my reflections if I plan to leave things out ? Is honesty the best policy ? Someone mentioned the difference between fact and truth. My memory might not be factual, but there might be truth in the stories that I tell. Tough stuff eh ? And am I to be the central character of every story that I tell in the memoir. I think that is the definition of a memoir, and why would I want to do that. 
Earlier, I talked about the professor speaking about some reasons we might write being revenge or telling our side of a certain memory. I do not want to write for these reasons. Then there is the problem of narcissism.

” A narcissist lacks self-awareness entirely. They’re not thinking about
who they are and what they’ve learned from their experiences. They
are not interested in sharing their deepest, darkest secrets in the
hope of connecting with others. Instead, they are concerned only
with their needs and how to get others to meet them as 
quickly and easily as possible.”                               from Hedley Derenzie

What if I am a narcissist and do not know it, and I write my life for the above reasons, and from only my point of view ? But I can only write it from my personal point of view because that is who I am . I read Steve Yzerman’s biography. Yzerman was a former NHL hockey player for the Detroit Red Wings , and he says to be an elite level pro athlete you have to be selfish. Do I have to be selfish about my story as I write my memoir ? Selfishness and narcissism. These are dangerous traits to take on. I am still unsure that I should embark on a journey of memoir

 “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.  And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.  As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.  Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. Romans 7:15-20
Praying for Gaza. AMEN


Fred

black and white shadows

crush humanity’s freedom

am I complicit ? MPL 2025

REVENGE WRITING ?

October 4, 2025

Good evening,

I am taking a course on memoir writing from Canadian Mennonite University. The teacher, Mary Anne Loewen has written books about the topic, and edited books on people writing about both their moms and dads. It is a hybrid course with people there in person in Winnipeg, and also about 20 people on line, like myself. We had our first session on Wednesday.


There was some good practical advice already in the first session. Below is a quote from her powerpoint presentation:
” Why are we writing ? 

1. To provide a legacy 

2. In order to discover more about ourselves; to make sense of our lives.

  3. To exact revenge, and/or to vindicate ourselves.”


The first two ideas seem good. If I write it for my wife, children, grandchildren and also my siblings, I think that would be beneficial. Secondly, as I write my memories hopefully I learn more of who I am, and that I find meaning and sense out of my many different experiences. It might be a difficult process, as I learn things about myself that I really do not like. This is very much a possibility, as I write and think about all the ages of my life.


But to exact revenge and vindicate myself. Exacting revenge is not in my Mennonite theology. At first I thought this was an awful thing to do. But, I guess it is part of being honest with my experiences and how I feel about them. The teacher said you will have to decide how you write about bad events, bad people and bad memories. You have to think about who will read the words , and is it worth the risk. It might be helpful to write, and then keep it to yourself. If I need healing, then it might be good to write the pain down. The other part, about vindication, is that people know “my” story, and I write “my ” side of the events. I am not sure I want to do that either. I do not want  a ”  I said, and they said ” back and forth stories .This memoir writing is going to be hard.


But, as she said the part about revenge, a memory immediately came to mind. My home church did not protect me from the fear and trembling around the second coming of Christ. I still carry that fear somewhere in my heart, mind and soul. It went on for years with constant fear and the Sunday School teaching. Would it be revenge or would it be honesty ? I guess I have to decide at some point how, and when I want to tell that story.
Is peace at hand in Gaza, and what kind of peace will it be ? AMEN.

Fred

Life is so slow .

eptember 15, 2025

Good afternoon,

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

                         a time to be born and a time to die,….  Ecclesiastes 3:1-2

I have reflected on ‘time’ moving slow in my life a few times in the blog. Time changed for me about nine months following my heart attack. It has consistently been slow ever since. I was struck again by this sense of time in the last month. Normally, my pharmacist gives me two weeks of ‘blister ‘ packs of medication. I have been on much of the same meds since 2007. But in late August he/she gave me four weeks of meds. It seems to have taken forever to get through this one month supply, and I have another week to go ! Even though it has gone on for so many years, it still has not become normal, and it still feels strange and unnatural.


This is my life. I no longer ask why, but I do wonder what it might mean for my spiritual journey ? But after 17 years of slow time, it does not really matter. Some cancer patients have told me time slows down for them for a while, but then it goes away. And many people say that time goes faster as they get older. I say today,  ‘ it is only September 15th ‘. 


Maybe I am being offered more time to think ? I do not feel the need to do more. And I do not get any more done with all this extra time. The biblical prophets do not talk about time slowing down. Jesus doesn’t say anything about it. I wonder if his final week slowed down for him, as he and his disciples had to deal with so much conflict and tension. My body was traumatized by my diabetes and heart attack. Others have had the same experience and time marches on for them. Time walks in slow motion for me.

May peace quicken its pace in all places of war and violence. AMEN


Fred

black and white shadows

crush humanity’s freedom

am I complicit ? MPL 2025

why write my story ?

September 22, 2025

Good evening,

It seems to me that I am posting later and later in the day. I wonder why ? I might still be getting used to a new rhythm in retirement. At the Mennonite Story four people have been on vacation, so I have been filling in a few more shifts ( like today ) than normal. When I was writing while still at Poole, the focus was the congregation. Maybe, I am still trying to see who is my audience, maybe it is still just for me.


I am really wondering about the situation in the United States and in Gaza being the reason my writing has been more challenging. I do not watch as much news, but what I hear is so distressing that it is hard to focus. Everyday Trump outdoes himself with something unbelievable. Today, he announced a connection between Tylenol and autism. He is not a doctor, but he makes the public statement. And the ruthless destruction of Gaza continues every day. 


And I have been thinking about my life, and if a story, my story, needs to be written. I am a regular guy who has lived a relatively safe and unassuming life, mostly here in Canada. I have had some extraordinary health events in my life for sure, but why should I write my story ? I think it would be good for myself, and my family to have a record of my life events, and a little bit about my faith journey. I am still trying to figure it out to review my life in a public way, like a memoir. Why does my story need to be told ?
I keep coming back to the passage from the beginning of Luke’s Gospel.. He felt it important to write down an orderly account of the life of Jesus . This is Luke 1:1-4

‘ Many have undertaken to draw up an account of the things that have been fulfilled among us,  just as they were handed down to us by those who from the first were eyewitnesses and servants of the word.  With this in mind, since I myself have carefully investigated everything from the beginning, I too decided to write an orderly account for you, most excellent Theophilus,  so that you may know the certainty of the things you have been taught.’

Fred

OUTLIERS

September 3, 2025

Good afternoon,

Book number 7 of my Top Ten: Malcolm Galdwell’s Outliers: The Story of Success The book was written in  2011. It is the most recent book written in my top ten. I think I made the list in 2012, maybe ?


I appreciate Gladwell’s writing style. He is readable as he discusses complex concepts and problems. And I think he is a great storyteller. In Outliers, he tells stories, and then recaps his thesis, and then tells more stories, and then recaps his thesis once again. Here is his final recap near the end of the book:
” It is impossible for a hockey player or Bill Joy or Robert Oppenheimer or any other outlier for that matter, to look down from their lofty perch and say that with truthfulness, ‘ I did this all by myself.’ Superstar lawyers and math whizzes and software entrepreneurs appear at first blush to lie outside ordinary experience. But they don’t. They are products of history and community, of opportunity and legacy . Their success is not exceptional  or mysterious . It is grounded in a web of advantages and inheritances, some deserve , some not, some earned , some just plain lucky — but all critical to making them who they are. The outlier, in the end, is not an outlier at all. ” ( page 285 )

Many successful ( and what is success ? ) people state with pride ‘ I am self-made ‘ . This is not true. For tomorrow’s blog, I will name some of the things that I believe have made me a success (?). But how do you measure success, and why does it matter ?  Two examples in the book became most quoted by others. Gladwell says you must work 10,000 hours to master some skill. The second one is that most successful hockey players are born in the first three months of any year. I was born in November ,and so I did not have a chance. Ha ha ha !!!


How do you define success ? Is faith related to success at all ? In Christian theology, we are saved by grace, but how we act with all the advantages we have been given is important too.

Praying everyday for women and men of peace and non-violence, to rise up in the world for reconciliation all over the world. AMEN

Fred

black and white shadows

crush humanity’s freedom

am I complicit ? MPL 2025

black and white shadows

crush humanity’s freedom

TOP TEN BOOKS

June 10, 2025

Good afternoon,

( We will be in Winnipeg through June 18th, so I might not be writing a daily reflection for the next week. I will be attending a writers conference on the campus of Canadian Mennonite University. )

A few years ago I was asked to do a 10 minute devotional for a MEDA. It was for their annual Pastors’ breakfast. Besides doing the devotional I handed out a Top Ten of the books that have influenced me. I am going to try in the next year to re-read all of them. I will give a short reflection after finishing them. I wonder if I will see/hear/read them differently. They are in no particular order:

20250610_153859.jpg

1. Who has seen the Wind                               W.O. Mitchell .

2. Sideshow                                                       William Shawcross

3. Outliers                                                          Malcolm Gladwell

4. The Portrait of the Artist by a Young Man  James Joyce

5. War Poems                                                    Siegfried Sassoon

6. Crime and Punishment                                Fyodor Dostoevsky 

7. The Politics of Jesus                                   John Howard Yoder

8. The Wounded Healer                                   Henri Nouwen

9. The Sacred Journey                                    Frederick Buechner

 10. The Russlander                                         Sandra Birdsell

Sorry, only one woman. Three Canadians. Only one poet. Wendell Berry, Sarah Klassen  Bruce Cockburn, Alan Doyle and Mary Oliver might be on the list next time. The oldest book is Crime and Punishment ( 1866 ) that I read in high school.  The most recent book is by Gladwell. I will start , with the only book of poetry by Sassoon. What are some of your favourite or most challenging books, Scripture or otherwise ? Do you have a favourite author and why ? Fiction or non-fiction for your reading ? I have five of both on my list. Sorry again for having only one woman, but let me include Mary Oliver too on my list. When I put this list together, the book of Luke was my top biblical book/text, but I am not at the same space as I was then.


” Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind ”  Romans 12:2

Peace for all the world. AMEN.

Fred

black and white shadows

crush humanity’s freedom

am I complicit ? 

MPL 2025

Full of Beans and Seeds

Good afternoon,

Self-Portrait by Mary Oliver

I wish I was twenty and in love with life
and still full of beans.

Onward, old legs!
There are the long, pale dunes; on the other side
the roses are blooming and finding their labor
no adversity to the spirit.

Upward, old legs! There are the roses, and there is the sea
shining like a song, like a body
I want to touch

though I’m not twenty
and won’t be again but ah! seventy. And still
in love with life. And still
full of beans.

I seem to retreat to Mary Oliver often. Besides history books, I only took one poetry book of Mary Oliver, Felicity, to Europe and Jordan. She seems to have the words I need at this stage of life, and for the last five years too. The Psalmist is that kind of writer for me too. Poets always paint pictures out of their lives and experiences. They speak into the heart of the soul, and the soul of the heart. 

Painters, poets and preachers ( at least I think so ), are always trying to discover themselves with a good self-portrait. Can I ever get it perfect ? Who am I ?

                in front of God,

               in front of the Bible,

               in front of my family,

               in front of my friends,

               in front of myself ?

Vincent Van Gogh painted a lot of self-portraits, and he is often different. Did he see the subtle changes in his face, his hair and his life ? I know I have changed since I was 20 years old, in my whole belief system, my body and my mind. I would not want to be 20 again . How are you still changing ? And are you still full of beans ?

GAZA

Fred

black and white shadows

crush humanity’s freedom

am I complicit ?

a new blog

May 12, 2025

Good morning

To be a writer, you have to write every day. Even on those days when you have nothing to say or write, you are told to write. When writing Ponder Anew for Poole for five years, almost everyday, it gave meaning to my writing. At around 3 pm, when I had not written anything, I just started to write., and I sent something by the end of the day. It was used to connect myself and my ministry to the congregation. I miss it, but it is now another time in life and writing. You are part of a new audience, but with some of the same people. What do you want me to write about ? I am posting my blogs on WordPress so the audience is a little bit larger.


Scholars tell writers that we have to know your audience. It is better than just writing into the clear blue sky, but maybe, I will try to find my audience by writing into the cloudy and rainy sky. .So, as I move into my next phase of writing, bear with me. 

Monika Pieper Landoni’s last line of her 2025 haiku haunts my writing, thinking and living, ” Am I complicit ? ” Someone has said, ‘ if you are not part of the solution you are part of the problem.” They, and they are hard to find, say this about colonialism, but it could be said about other social, moral or ethical life situations that we have to confront.

We had a wonderful time in Jordan with our daughter Hannah and her husband Alaa. Just across the Jordanian border was the war on Gaza and the West Bank. What can I do , am I complicit ? It is genocide carreid out by the state of Israel. They have been trying it since 1948, but now it is so violent and vicious. I write to  PM Carney and my MP Tim Louis. I agree with the new Pope and the Secretary General of the United Nations, that the carnage must end now . But nothing. And the Palestinains continue to suffer daily. How can a country stop food from entering another place,and the international community can do nothing. And we watch on the internet live the starvation of children. What does this say about our ability to change what’s’ wrong in the world ? Am I complicit?

HAVE MERCY ON ALL OF US LORD. AMEN

Fred