Tag: memoir

Narcissism and Memoir Writing

October 22, 2025

Good afternoon,

I continue to participate in my on-line course on memoir writing. It is hard work just thinking about it. There are many ethical dilemmas to think about. What do I include or not, and am I being honest in my reflections if I plan to leave things out ? Is honesty the best policy ? Someone mentioned the difference between fact and truth. My memory might not be factual, but there might be truth in the stories that I tell. Tough stuff eh ? And am I to be the central character of every story that I tell in the memoir. I think that is the definition of a memoir, and why would I want to do that. 
Earlier, I talked about the professor speaking about some reasons we might write being revenge or telling our side of a certain memory. I do not want to write for these reasons. Then there is the problem of narcissism.

” A narcissist lacks self-awareness entirely. They’re not thinking about
who they are and what they’ve learned from their experiences. They
are not interested in sharing their deepest, darkest secrets in the
hope of connecting with others. Instead, they are concerned only
with their needs and how to get others to meet them as 
quickly and easily as possible.”                               from Hedley Derenzie

What if I am a narcissist and do not know it, and I write my life for the above reasons, and from only my point of view ? But I can only write it from my personal point of view because that is who I am . I read Steve Yzerman’s biography. Yzerman was a former NHL hockey player for the Detroit Red Wings , and he says to be an elite level pro athlete you have to be selfish. Do I have to be selfish about my story as I write my memoir ? Selfishness and narcissism. These are dangerous traits to take on. I am still unsure that I should embark on a journey of memoir

 “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.  And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.  As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.  Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. Romans 7:15-20
Praying for Gaza. AMEN


Fred

black and white shadows

crush humanity’s freedom

am I complicit ? MPL 2025

REVENGE WRITING ?

October 4, 2025

Good evening,

I am taking a course on memoir writing from Canadian Mennonite University. The teacher, Mary Anne Loewen has written books about the topic, and edited books on people writing about both their moms and dads. It is a hybrid course with people there in person in Winnipeg, and also about 20 people on line, like myself. We had our first session on Wednesday.


There was some good practical advice already in the first session. Below is a quote from her powerpoint presentation:
” Why are we writing ? 

1. To provide a legacy 

2. In order to discover more about ourselves; to make sense of our lives.

  3. To exact revenge, and/or to vindicate ourselves.”


The first two ideas seem good. If I write it for my wife, children, grandchildren and also my siblings, I think that would be beneficial. Secondly, as I write my memories hopefully I learn more of who I am, and that I find meaning and sense out of my many different experiences. It might be a difficult process, as I learn things about myself that I really do not like. This is very much a possibility, as I write and think about all the ages of my life.


But to exact revenge and vindicate myself. Exacting revenge is not in my Mennonite theology. At first I thought this was an awful thing to do. But, I guess it is part of being honest with my experiences and how I feel about them. The teacher said you will have to decide how you write about bad events, bad people and bad memories. You have to think about who will read the words , and is it worth the risk. It might be helpful to write, and then keep it to yourself. If I need healing, then it might be good to write the pain down. The other part, about vindication, is that people know “my” story, and I write “my ” side of the events. I am not sure I want to do that either. I do not want  a ”  I said, and they said ” back and forth stories .This memoir writing is going to be hard.


But, as she said the part about revenge, a memory immediately came to mind. My home church did not protect me from the fear and trembling around the second coming of Christ. I still carry that fear somewhere in my heart, mind and soul. It went on for years with constant fear and the Sunday School teaching. Would it be revenge or would it be honesty ? I guess I have to decide at some point how, and when I want to tell that story.
Is peace at hand in Gaza, and what kind of peace will it be ? AMEN.

Fred