books – Ponder Anew

Narcissism and Memoir Writing

October 22, 2025

Good afternoon,

I continue to participate in my on-line course on memoir writing. It is hard work just thinking about it. There are many ethical dilemmas to think about. What do I include or not, and am I being honest in my reflections if I plan to leave things out ? Is honesty the best policy ? Someone mentioned the difference between fact and truth. My memory might not be factual, but there might be truth in the stories that I tell. Tough stuff eh ? And am I to be the central character of every story that I tell in the memoir. I think that is the definition of a memoir, and why would I want to do that.
Earlier, I talked about the professor speaking about some reasons we might write being revenge or telling our side of a certain memory. I do not want to write for these reasons. Then there is the problem of narcissism.

” A narcissist lacks self-awareness entirely. They’re not thinking about
who they are and what they’ve learned from their experiences. They
are not interested in sharing their deepest, darkest secrets in the
hope of connecting with others. Instead, they are concerned only
with their needs and how to get others to meet them as
quickly and easily as possible.” from Hedley Derenzie

What if I am a narcissist and do not know it, and I write my life for the above reasons, and from only my point of view ? But I can only write it from my personal point of view because that is who I am . I read Steve Yzerman’s biography. Yzerman was a former NHL hockey player for the Detroit Red Wings , and he says to be an elite level pro athlete you have to be selfish. Do I have to be selfish about my story as I write my memoir ? Selfishness and narcissism. These are dangerous traits to take on. I am still unsure that I should embark on a journey of memoir

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. Romans 7:15-20
Praying for Gaza. AMEN

Fred

black and white shadows

crush humanity’s freedom

am I complicit ? MPL 2025

REVENGE WRITING ?

October 4, 2025

Good evening,

I am taking a course on memoir writing from Canadian Mennonite University. The teacher, Mary Anne Loewen has written books about the topic, and edited books on people writing about both their moms and dads. It is a hybrid course with people there in person in Winnipeg, and also about 20 people on line, like myself. We had our first session on Wednesday.

There was some good practical advice already in the first session. Below is a quote from her powerpoint presentation:
” Why are we writing ?

1. To provide a legacy

2. In order to discover more about ourselves; to make sense of our lives.

3. To exact revenge, and/or to vindicate ourselves.”

The first two ideas seem good. If I write it for my wife, children, grandchildren and also my siblings, I think that would be beneficial. Secondly, as I write my memories hopefully I learn more of who I am, and that I find meaning and sense out of my many different experiences. It might be a difficult process, as I learn things about myself that I really do not like. This is very much a possibility, as I write and think about all the ages of my life.

But to exact revenge and vindicate myself. Exacting revenge is not in my Mennonite theology. At first I thought this was an awful thing to do. But, I guess it is part of being honest with my experiences and how I feel about them. The teacher said you will have to decide how you write about bad events, bad people and bad memories. You have to think about who will read the words , and is it worth the risk. It might be helpful to write, and then keep it to yourself. If I need healing, then it might be good to write the pain down. The other part, about vindication, is that people know “my” story, and I write “my ” side of the events. I am not sure I want to do that either. I do not want a ” I said, and they said ” back and forth stories .This memoir writing is going to be hard.

But, as she said the part about revenge, a memory immediately came to mind. My home church did not protect me from the fear and trembling around the second coming of Christ. I still carry that fear somewhere in my heart, mind and soul. It went on for years with constant fear and the Sunday School teaching. Would it be revenge or would it be honesty ? I guess I have to decide at some point how, and when I want to tell that story.
Is peace at hand in Gaza, and what kind of peace will it be ? AMEN.

Fred

OUTLIERS

September 3, 2025

Good afternoon,

Book number 7 of my Top Ten: Malcolm Galdwell’s Outliers: The Story of Success . The book was written in 2011. It is the most recent book written in my top ten. I think I made the list in 2012, maybe ?

I appreciate Gladwell’s writing style. He is readable as he discusses complex concepts and problems. And I think he is a great storyteller. In Outliers, he tells stories, and then recaps his thesis, and then tells more stories, and then recaps his thesis once again. Here is his final recap near the end of the book:
” It is impossible for a hockey player or Bill Joy or Robert Oppenheimer or any other outlier for that matter, to look down from their lofty perch and say that with truthfulness, ‘ I did this all by myself.’ Superstar lawyers and math whizzes and software entrepreneurs appear at first blush to lie outside ordinary experience. But they don’t. They are products of history and community, of opportunity and legacy . Their success is not exceptional or mysterious . It is grounded in a web of advantages and inheritances, some deserve , some not, some earned , some just plain lucky — but all critical to making them who they are. The outlier, in the end, is not an outlier at all. ” ( page 285 )

Many successful ( and what is success ? ) people state with pride ‘ I am self-made ‘ . This is not true. For tomorrow’s blog, I will name some of the things that I believe have made me a success (?). But how do you measure success, and why does it matter ? Two examples in the book became most quoted by others. Gladwell says you must work 10,000 hours to master some skill. The second one is that most successful hockey players are born in the first three months of any year. I was born in November ,and so I did not have a chance. Ha ha ha !!!

How do you define success ? Is faith related to success at all ? In Christian theology, we are saved by grace, but how we act with all the advantages we have been given is important too.

Praying everyday for women and men of peace and non-violence, to rise up in the world for reconciliation all over the world. AMEN

Fred

black and white shadows

crush humanity’s freedom

am I complicit ? MPL 2025

black and white shadows

crush humanity’s freedom

TOP TEN BOOKS

June 10, 2025

Good afternoon,

( We will be in Winnipeg through June 18th, so I might not be writing a daily reflection for the next week. I will be attending a writers conference on the campus of Canadian Mennonite University. )

A few years ago I was asked to do a 10 minute devotional for a MEDA. It was for their annual Pastors’ breakfast. Besides doing the devotional I handed out a Top Ten of the books that have influenced me. I am going to try in the next year to re-read all of them. I will give a short reflection after finishing them. I wonder if I will see/hear/read them differently. They are in no particular order:

1. Who has seen the Wind W.O. Mitchell .

2. Sideshow William Shawcross

3. Outliers Malcolm Gladwell

4. The Portrait of the Artist by a Young Man James Joyce

5. War Poems Siegfried Sassoon

6. Crime and Punishment Fyodor Dostoevsky

7. The Politics of Jesus John Howard Yoder

8. The Wounded Healer Henri Nouwen

9. The Sacred Journey Frederick Buechner

10. The Russlander Sandra Birdsell

Sorry, only one woman. Three Canadians. Only one poet. Wendell Berry, Sarah Klassen Bruce Cockburn, Alan Doyle and Mary Oliver might be on the list next time. The oldest book is Crime and Punishment ( 1866 ) that I read in high school. The most recent book is by Gladwell. I will start , with the only book of poetry by Sassoon. What are some of your favourite or most challenging books, Scripture or otherwise ? Do you have a favourite author and why ? Fiction or non-fiction for your reading ? I have five of both on my list. Sorry again for having only one woman, but let me include Mary Oliver too on my list. When I put this list together, the book of Luke was my top biblical book/text, but I am not at the same space as I was then.

” Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind ” Romans 12:2

Peace for all the world. AMEN.

Fred

black and white shadows

crush humanity’s freedom

am I complicit ?

MPL 2025

The same social Merry-go-Round

June 5, 2025

Good afternoon,

I am reading a book called The Road To Wigan Pier by Geroge Orwell. He is famous for the two books of fiction, 1984 and Animal Farm. But this is one of nonfiction. Orwell was a political commentator and a socialist , writing mostly between the world wars. The Road to Wigan Pier is a book about high unemployment in England in the 1930’s . There were many programs for the poor and, and it was similar to today , We have all kinds of social programs to try to keep the poor just enough to be alive. Orwell points out how he was was prejudiced against what he calls the ” lower upper middle class “. They were just limping along, and his family has a bit more money/resources . Then WWII began and many people were employed, and poverty went down. That is another whole soapbox.

We have Ontario Works and Ontario Disability Support Program here in Ontario. No one is going to get rich being on social assistance. It is not a waste of money. The government has built in many other supports for the poor and unemployed, but we have more homeless and housing is at a premium, and not affordable. Food banks are used more than ever. The rich get richer, and the poor and middle class just get by, eking out a life here in Canada, the best place in the whole world ( according to some.). What can and should we do ?

The Old Testament prophets, like Jeremiah, Ezekial and Isaiah rail against inequality but it seems to be always with us. Why can’t we build into the economic systems more sharing possibilities ? We are smart and compassionate. And now we have AI, Artificial Intelligence .We all want a fair and equal society or do we, really ? We are not all the same, and some of us are very skilled, and some of us will need help all of our lives. After thousands of years, we still have not got it right for everyone to flourish.

Praying for a fair, peaceful and equitable life in Gaza.

Fred

black and white shadows

crush humanity’s freedom

Am I complicit ?

MPL

a new blog

May 12, 2025

Good morning

To be a writer, you have to write every day. Even on those days when you have nothing to say or write, you are told to write. When writing Ponder Anew for Poole for five years, almost everyday, it gave meaning to my writing. At around 3 pm, when I had not written anything, I just started to write., and I sent something by the end of the day. It was used to connect myself and my ministry to the congregation. I miss it, but it is now another time in life and writing. You are part of a new audience, but with some of the same people. What do you want me to write about ? I am posting my blogs on WordPress so the audience is a little bit larger.

Scholars tell writers that we have to know your audience. It is better than just writing into the clear blue sky, but maybe, I will try to find my audience by writing into the cloudy and rainy sky. .So, as I move into my next phase of writing, bear with me.

Monika Pieper Landoni’s last line of her 2025 haiku haunts my writing, thinking and living, ” Am I complicit ? ” Someone has said, ‘ if you are not part of the solution you are part of the problem.” They, and they are hard to find, say this about colonialism, but it could be said about other social, moral or ethical life situations that we have to confront.

We had a wonderful time in Jordan with our daughter Hannah and her husband Alaa. Just across the Jordanian border was the war on Gaza and the West Bank. What can I do , am I complicit ? It is genocide carreid out by the state of Israel. They have been trying it since 1948, but now it is so violent and vicious. I write to PM Carney and my MP Tim Louis. I agree with the new Pope and the Secretary General of the United Nations, that the carnage must end now . But nothing. And the Palestinains continue to suffer daily. How can a country stop food from entering another place,and the international community can do nothing. And we watch on the internet live the starvation of children. What does this say about our ability to change what’s’ wrong in the world ? Am I complicit?

HAVE MERCY ON ALL OF US LORD. AMEN

Fred